To Thine Own Self Be True
SFLA
Review
The fatherly advice Polonius gives to Laertes does
neither of them any good. By the time the tragedy wends its way to
the final bloody scene father and son have both been on the receiving
end of Hamlet’s rapier wit. Dead for a ducat. Ever since reading
Hamlet in High School I have been wary of those preaching self
awareness.
It was thus in a sceptical frame of
mind that I agreed to participate in the Enneagram workshop
put on for us by Gillian Bishop’s Education Committee at the National
Conference in Liverpool. I assumed that it would be just another
one of those personnel management training courses designed to teach
us how to label, and thus efficiently control, others. I like to
think that there is no such thing as personality types, that we
are all individuals and that labels are misleading and sometimes
dangerous.
I could feel the stony ediface of
my resistance cracking within 5 minutes of entering the room. The
45 or so participants in the workshop were divided into 9 separate
groups but, to my surprise, we had labelled ourselves. The self
awareness training had already begun before the workshop commenced
and I had not even noticed! This sleight of hand was accomplished
by having participants read 9 personality type summaries beforehand
and then deciding to which group they belonged.
One of the first things I noticed
was that some of the groups were much larger than others. My group
was relatively small. Was I that different to the others? And were
those in my group really like me? I was hooked, and I had to find
out more.
Our workshop leaders were Josephine
Seccombe and Ann Binnie. We began with members of each group being
asked to explain why they chose their particular personality category.
Very soon it became clear that group members shared certain attributes
and that there were significant differences between the groups.
The Perfectionist group described themselves as work obsessive organisers.
The Helpers said they need to be needed. The Mediator group said
they were balancing and empathetic, but indecisive, personalities
who avoided conflict. The Boss-Leaders saw everything in black and
white, were wary and assertive and found it difficult to listen
to others.
Listening to fellow family lawyers
describe their innermost driving forces was fascinating but a little
scary. Mostly I felt those I knew were describing themselves pretty
accurately but I think some of us cheated a little. After all it
is a brave man who will expose himself in public!
By the end of the first workshop I
was determined to stay on for the second in the hope that I would
learn the dark secrets of more of my SFLA colleagues. I was not
disappointed. To my amazement the second workshop ran almost identically
to the first. Once again, we had about 50 participants. Once again
the Mediator and Boss-Leader groups were the biggest, each comprising
some 9 or 10 members. Once again, there were hardly any Observer
types (“thinker; sage; analyst”) or Questioners (“suspicious of
authority; wary but loyal, especially in support of underdogs”).
The second workshop also repeated
some of the behavioural patterns of the first. In group discussions,
the Boss-Leader personalities all wanted to talk at the same time,
even when other groups were trying to say something. Josephine and
Ann were constantly telling them to quieten down and let the others
talk. The Mediator group, in stark contrast, were often stuck for
words. Nobody wanted to speak first. They would rather listen to
someone else’s view before speaking.
The whole point of the Enneagram
exercise became clear to me when the instructors asked us each
to consider and discuss the question “how do I best communicate
with you?”. Trying to explain to a group how they can best get what
they want from you is a most frightening, yet empowering, experience.
For me, the penny dropped at this stage: the purpose of self awareness
is to enable others to understand you so that communication can
take place more effectively.
I certainly learned something about
myself but I also learned something about SFLA lawyers as a group.
Compared to the general population, we are disproportionately Mediator
and Boss-Leader personalities. There are also a few Perfectionists
and Helpers among us, but few Questioners and Observers. Does this
mean that certain personality types are drawn to law, to family
law or to SFLA-type family law in particular? Perhaps someone should
undertake a detailed research project.
The response to the workshops was
enthusiastic. Josphine and Ann sold out of their supply of Enneagram
books and I expect some family law departments will be running
in house Enneagram workshops before long. Reading through
my book afterwards I learned that the Enneagram idea has
ancient mystic origins and was “rediscovered” in the 1920s by G
I Gurdjieff whose ideas were later developed by Me Generation psychologists
in California in the late 60s and early 70s. When I read this I
realised why I had had a feeling of déjà vu in the workshop.
I am old enough to remember the Happenings and Be-ins of the
Hair generation of the 60s and I felt pangs of nostalgia for
the lost innocence of that New Age. A dark voice inside urged me
to cast off my lawyer’s suit and don kaftan and sandals. But I will
resist these urges because I am, above all, a lawyer, albeit a more
self aware one now.
If Hamlet could have attended an
Enneagram workshop with Josephine and Ann I expect he would
have learned to communicate more effectively with Polonius, Laertes
and the others. This might have prevented misunderstandings developing
into conflicts which were finally resolved, tragically and inevitably,
by the death of the protagonists.
Maybe Polonius was right after all.
David Truex
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